To the powers that be, I need a little bit more:
Julie London is a classic example of how one can be sexy and sultry without giving it all away up front. Today, we need a few more ladies like her and few less tramps...
and a little bit less:
This is just a fucking trainwreck. Video and song. Singer also. I will admit that I like what seems to be her central message of being who you are. Some of her songs are catchy, too, but the way she presents her image just turns me off.
a little bit more:
This is cute. Just a young girl singing a song. Oh and there is an added bonus of having an actual dance that goes with the song.
and a little bit less:
Nepatism and riding of coattails are never cute. Whipping hair around food is not cute either.
a little bit more:
The only thing slightly risque about this video is the way the camera is positioned to allow audience a glimpse of the chorus girls' underwear. This is actually more sexy than the following Miley Cyrus video, which shows much more skin and body grinding.
and a little bit less:
I really don't want to see your thighs, Miley. Or even a hint of your tiny breasts.
Thank you!
January 24, 2011
July 22, 2010
And Another Thing...
I think I may become a drug dealer... because this job hunt is not going so well. Apparently there is a "Nursing shortage" but with this floundering economy we are in the throes of, there are no positions available because older nurses aren't retiring (due to their financial statuses). In addition to that, hospital budgets are tight, and no more positions are being created. FUCK MY GOD DAMNED LIFE.
I think that it would be fitting for me to become some Colombian coke-god, and just disappear into a life of millionaire obscurity.
There are two requirements that I think I meet, if in fact this venture does take place.
1. I can handle simple math with the greatest of ease.
2. I can handle a gun pretty comfortably.
There. Job search done. No struggling for 60,000 a year with benefits. The only thing I have to worry about are competitors trying to murder me. But I think I can bypass this by remaining anonymous. Like wearing a mask to various drug dealz and employing a multitude of doppelgängers.
I think that it would be fitting for me to become some Colombian coke-god, and just disappear into a life of millionaire obscurity.
There are two requirements that I think I meet, if in fact this venture does take place.
1. I can handle simple math with the greatest of ease.
2. I can handle a gun pretty comfortably.
There. Job search done. No struggling for 60,000 a year with benefits. The only thing I have to worry about are competitors trying to murder me. But I think I can bypass this by remaining anonymous. Like wearing a mask to various drug dealz and employing a multitude of doppelgängers.
Inception
I saw Inception this past Monday. It was the best mindfuck that I've had in a long time. It's nice to see thought provoking action movies once in a while.
I do have a funny story that goes along with this. It adds to the awkwardness and hilarity that I hope to one day leave as my legacy.
I saw a trailer for Inception on TV at 9:45pm on Monday night, I forgot it had come out this past weekend. I decided that second I was going to go see it that very night if they had a late showing. I looked online and fortunately, they had a 10:15pm showing at West.
A little known fact about me is that I enjoy going to the movies by myself. I don't mind going with other people, but if there is a movie that I want to see on a huge ass screen (and awesome theater quality sound) and nobody else is able or willing to go with me... then by god you betta believe I'm going to go see it by my lonesome.
It's really not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. My main point being if I am going to go to a movie with someone, we are going to be sitting together in the dark, neither looking nor talking to one another (or it's supposed to be like that). So what is the difference if I go by myself or with someone? Plus it's just kind of nice to be alone and without distraction.
WELL, ANYWAY... so I am at the theater, and as I am walking up the steps to a choice seat I have visually picked out near the top, someone in the middle of the seats leans forward and loudly whispers, "Rebeka? Is that you?"
FUCK! My cover is blown. Blown wide open. Like a whore's vagina.
I squint in the dim room and look at the person who is calling my name. It's a girl that I went to high school with (coincidentally, we're also friends on facebook) and some guy. So it's like someone I am familiar with, but I wouldn't say we were friends, you know?
As I am walking up to the spot I have picked out, we make a casual exchange of smalltalk. I sit down and get settled in.
2 minutes later... "Rebeka, are you alone?"
She said it with that tone. The type of tone that someone uses when you tell them your dog died or the accelerator stuck on your Toyota.
"Yes," shaking my head. Thinking Fuck puhlease I just want to be alone and enjoy my movie.
"Do you want to come sit by us?" she asked.
"Sure." and I was then introduced to her boyfriend, by whom I took a seat next to. Awwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaaard. But I actually basked in the awkwardness.
I do have a funny story that goes along with this. It adds to the awkwardness and hilarity that I hope to one day leave as my legacy.
I saw a trailer for Inception on TV at 9:45pm on Monday night, I forgot it had come out this past weekend. I decided that second I was going to go see it that very night if they had a late showing. I looked online and fortunately, they had a 10:15pm showing at West.
A little known fact about me is that I enjoy going to the movies by myself. I don't mind going with other people, but if there is a movie that I want to see on a huge ass screen (and awesome theater quality sound) and nobody else is able or willing to go with me... then by god you betta believe I'm going to go see it by my lonesome.
It's really not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. My main point being if I am going to go to a movie with someone, we are going to be sitting together in the dark, neither looking nor talking to one another (or it's supposed to be like that). So what is the difference if I go by myself or with someone? Plus it's just kind of nice to be alone and without distraction.
WELL, ANYWAY... so I am at the theater, and as I am walking up the steps to a choice seat I have visually picked out near the top, someone in the middle of the seats leans forward and loudly whispers, "Rebeka? Is that you?"
FUCK! My cover is blown. Blown wide open. Like a whore's vagina.
I squint in the dim room and look at the person who is calling my name. It's a girl that I went to high school with (coincidentally, we're also friends on facebook) and some guy. So it's like someone I am familiar with, but I wouldn't say we were friends, you know?
As I am walking up to the spot I have picked out, we make a casual exchange of smalltalk. I sit down and get settled in.
2 minutes later... "Rebeka, are you alone?"
She said it with that tone. The type of tone that someone uses when you tell them your dog died or the accelerator stuck on your Toyota.
"Yes," shaking my head. Thinking Fuck puhlease I just want to be alone and enjoy my movie.
"Do you want to come sit by us?" she asked.
"Sure." and I was then introduced to her boyfriend, by whom I took a seat next to. Awwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaaard. But I actually basked in the awkwardness.
July 17, 2010
Unintentional Dirty Things I Say Vol. 1
"I still wish gash was a dollar."
I said this at work today to a customer in reference to how costly some things have gotten. I meant to say "I still wish gas was a dollar." The customer probably thought I was talking about cheap pussy. I was so tired I didn't even correct myself. Around what time period do you think gash would have cost a dollar? Like 1904 maybe?
"I need your seed, sir."
I said this to a customer when he asked if I had scanned his bag of birdseed yet. Ozay!
I said this at work today to a customer in reference to how costly some things have gotten. I meant to say "I still wish gas was a dollar." The customer probably thought I was talking about cheap pussy. I was so tired I didn't even correct myself. Around what time period do you think gash would have cost a dollar? Like 1904 maybe?
"I need your seed, sir."
I said this to a customer when he asked if I had scanned his bag of birdseed yet. Ozay!
July 10, 2010
July 2010
I haven't posted to this in a while. Just because I have been busy finishing up school and such. In addition to that I have been studying for my state boards which I will take in August. Gettin' down to the wire... I can't wait though to get it over even though I am pretty anxious about it.
1. "In a Big Country" - Big Country -- Listen to that guitar shred. It's almost as good as shredded cheese. This is a song that should make you want to throw a fist in the air (I'm not talking about "fist pump," either). I would go so far as to say this song is more motivational and inspirational than "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor.
"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you.
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded.
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming.
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted."
2. "Spanish Sahara (Deadboy RMX)" - Foals -- The original is good, but for some reason I like this remix just a little bit better. I really really like the lead singer's voice (whose name is Yannis Philippakis... hmm I wonder if he's Greek?). This is on their second cd, Total Life Forever, which has a lot of solid songs on it.
3. "Dance the Way I Feel" - Ou Est Le Swimming Pool -- Here is a novel idea. What if it was acceptable to just dance in a fashion that suited whatever emotion you were feeling at the time?
Here is a little scenario: an asshat of a customer comes up to me at my lame part-time job and is yelling at me because he/she can't keep track of their receipt like an adult when it comes time to return something... and they expect a full cash refund. What would be the dance that would represent my emotion at this juncture? I think it would go a little something like this:
Then the dance would culminate with me delivering a swift kick to the customers face, resulting in them falling into a huge display of cheese curls.
4. "French Navy" - Camera Obscura -- This song is so sweet, I now have Type II Diabetes from listening to it.
"I wanted to control it. But love, I couldn't hold it."
5. "When We Were Young (Breakbot RMX)" - Sneaky Sound System -- Breakbot remixes this song with a disco gloss. Good shit.
6. "Meet Me Halfway" - Black Eyed Peas -- I really like Fergie Ferg's voice, and this song showcases that. I also really like how they used the rolling guitar from "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's in the background.
7. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - Starfucker -- Really good rock cover. I hate to say it but I have heard the original way too many times and I've just become a little bored with it. This is a refreshing take on the song that stays faithful to the original.
8. "Baby, I Love You" - Banjo or Freakout -- I love the Ronette's original version and I love the cover by The Ramones. But this is really good too. The hazy background noise makes it really dreamy.
9. "Night by Night (Skream RMX)" - Chromeo -- I have heard about 14 remixes of this song, and I like this one the most. It's a more low-key, dub version of the original. Although I think I do like the original better, this is good to mix it up a little.
10. "Only You" - Yaz -- This is one of my favorite songs from the 80's and also one of my favorite love songs. It's just really simple and sweet. This was on the Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack and that's how I found out about this band. Ugh, idiot!
11. "Million Dollar Bill" - Whitney Houston -- Awwwww shiiiiiiit! This is a jam if I ever heard one. I was in Sephora with my sister when this came on over their soundsystem. I was like "What is this? It sounds old. I like it." And then she told me it was Whitney and it was from last year, and my sister loves it just as much as I do. So now it's our official jam. The wicked bass at the beginning is also my ringtone, tee hee hee. I must admit, I giggle everytime Whitney says "I've been searchin' for a man to touch this place." Even though I'm almost positive she means like her heart or some bullshit.
12. "Dance Dance Dance (Grandtheft RMX)" - Lykke Li -- I love the original, but this remix is tight. Like I wish they would play this type of music at bars/clubs, because this is the shit that I can really get down to. For reals. I really hope you are enjoying my hard-hitting, in depth analysis of all of these songs.
13. "Seasun" - Delorean -- What do you almost automatically think about when you hear summer? 1. Sun 2. Sea. Word.
1. "In a Big Country" - Big Country -- Listen to that guitar shred. It's almost as good as shredded cheese. This is a song that should make you want to throw a fist in the air (I'm not talking about "fist pump," either). I would go so far as to say this song is more motivational and inspirational than "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor.
"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you.
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded.
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming.
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted."
2. "Spanish Sahara (Deadboy RMX)" - Foals -- The original is good, but for some reason I like this remix just a little bit better. I really really like the lead singer's voice (whose name is Yannis Philippakis... hmm I wonder if he's Greek?). This is on their second cd, Total Life Forever, which has a lot of solid songs on it.
3. "Dance the Way I Feel" - Ou Est Le Swimming Pool -- Here is a novel idea. What if it was acceptable to just dance in a fashion that suited whatever emotion you were feeling at the time?
Here is a little scenario: an asshat of a customer comes up to me at my lame part-time job and is yelling at me because he/she can't keep track of their receipt like an adult when it comes time to return something... and they expect a full cash refund. What would be the dance that would represent my emotion at this juncture? I think it would go a little something like this:
Then the dance would culminate with me delivering a swift kick to the customers face, resulting in them falling into a huge display of cheese curls.
4. "French Navy" - Camera Obscura -- This song is so sweet, I now have Type II Diabetes from listening to it.
"I wanted to control it. But love, I couldn't hold it."
5. "When We Were Young (Breakbot RMX)" - Sneaky Sound System -- Breakbot remixes this song with a disco gloss. Good shit.
6. "Meet Me Halfway" - Black Eyed Peas -- I really like Fergie Ferg's voice, and this song showcases that. I also really like how they used the rolling guitar from "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's in the background.
7. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" - Starfucker -- Really good rock cover. I hate to say it but I have heard the original way too many times and I've just become a little bored with it. This is a refreshing take on the song that stays faithful to the original.
8. "Baby, I Love You" - Banjo or Freakout -- I love the Ronette's original version and I love the cover by The Ramones. But this is really good too. The hazy background noise makes it really dreamy.
9. "Night by Night (Skream RMX)" - Chromeo -- I have heard about 14 remixes of this song, and I like this one the most. It's a more low-key, dub version of the original. Although I think I do like the original better, this is good to mix it up a little.
10. "Only You" - Yaz -- This is one of my favorite songs from the 80's and also one of my favorite love songs. It's just really simple and sweet. This was on the Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack and that's how I found out about this band. Ugh, idiot!
11. "Million Dollar Bill" - Whitney Houston -- Awwwww shiiiiiiit! This is a jam if I ever heard one. I was in Sephora with my sister when this came on over their soundsystem. I was like "What is this? It sounds old. I like it." And then she told me it was Whitney and it was from last year, and my sister loves it just as much as I do. So now it's our official jam. The wicked bass at the beginning is also my ringtone, tee hee hee. I must admit, I giggle everytime Whitney says "I've been searchin' for a man to touch this place." Even though I'm almost positive she means like her heart or some bullshit.
12. "Dance Dance Dance (Grandtheft RMX)" - Lykke Li -- I love the original, but this remix is tight. Like I wish they would play this type of music at bars/clubs, because this is the shit that I can really get down to. For reals. I really hope you are enjoying my hard-hitting, in depth analysis of all of these songs.
13. "Seasun" - Delorean -- What do you almost automatically think about when you hear summer? 1. Sun 2. Sea. Word.
February 23, 2010
February Playlist
So I'm a day late and kiss short on this one. Here is my Valentines Day playlust (lolz) that I've been listening to on repeat this month.
1. "I Won't Share You" - The Smiths -- My friend Jessie sent me the Morning Benders cover of this song and I wanted to look up the original. Both are really good.
2. "Let's Stay Together" - Al Green -- I don't think I could love anything as much as Al Green's music. This including all future significant others. Good lord this is the stuff.
3. "The Deep End (Holy Ghost Remix)" - Curses!" -- I really like the bass guitar in this. Plus I had to add a little pizazz to the playlist.
4. "Unknown Legend" - Neil Young -- I cried when I heard this song the other day... and I wasn't even on my period. Let that be a testament to the beauty of this song.
5. "A Man Without Love" - Engelbert Humperdinck -- I love how it slowly builds and then leaves you begging for more once the climax has been reached. Oh wait, are we talking about music? Besides having the best name ever, Engelbert can carry a tune. This song is sad but in a good way. It slowly builds and then POW! "Every day I wake up and then I start to break up..." This song is so so good.
6. "No, No, No" - Dawn Penn -- Thought I would throw some raggae into the mix. This song is like, damn sexy.
7. "Scenic World" - Beirut -- Really cool song by Beirut. I feel like I heard it somewhere like a Visa commercial or a car commercial. The horns are my favorite part. I could see this being in the soundtrack to a movie towards the end.
8. "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" - The Shirelles -- I remember I had this on a compilation CD when I was 8. I was riding in the car with my parents somewhere. I had on my headphones and was singing aloud to this song. My parents looked at each other, smiled, and reached for the other's hand. Awwww.
9. "Change of Heart" - El Perro Del Mar -- This is a really sexual song also. I like the vocals as well as the bass and drums. The first 30 seconds of this song was my ringtone. Why? It's fucking awesome, that's why. Check out the music video to this song, it's really cool and the two men in it are incredibly strong.
10. "Regret" - New Order -- "You used to be a stranger now you are mine."
11. "The Dark End of Street" - James Carr -- Best song ever about cheating. There is so much emotion in this song it's unreal. I like the following lyrics a lot:
"I know time is gonna take its toll. We have to pay for the love we stole. It's a sin and we know it's wrong. Oh, but our love keeps coming on strong."
12. "I Don't Love You Anymore" - Teddy Pendergrass -- The antithesis of a love song. It doesn't hurt that you can jam out with your clam out on this one.
13. "Spanish Harlem" - Ben E. King and the Drifters -- Really really sweet song. The rhythm is really nice and Ben E. King's voice is really rich.
14. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" - Stevie Wonder -- Dear Stevie: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one-thousand. Two one-thousand. Three one-thousand. Four one-thousand. Five one-thousand. I sang this song for karaoke at a Sandals resort in St. Lucia in front of 150 strangers while there for my sister's wedding. In addition to that, I sang "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen and "Milkshake" by Ciara. To dedicate the song, I slurred, "Let's hear it for all the singles!!!" Sandals are resorts specifically catering to couples. A lot of Piton beer was involved in the making of that legend.
15. "Islands in the Stream" - The Constantines and Feist -- The original with Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers is great, but I love the slower pace of this version and I love Leslie Feist's voice. I always want to sing a duet to this for karaoke, but nobody ever "knows the lyrics." Which, personally, I think is a bullshit excuse because that is why they have a screen with the words on it right in front of you.
In case you haven't noticed, Karaoke is something I do. It's how I show my love for the lord, actually. Some people whip themselves with cat-o-nines or wear barbed-wire garter belts. But those are things that are done in private. I prefer to humiliate myself for Jesus in front of large groups of people, after I have had a multitude of beers (what I lovingly refer to as the "Barley of Christ"). It's my form of penance -- a sort of lyrical self-flagellation (not to be confused with flatulation), if you will. Once my life is over, they will make me a Saint: Saint Rebeka, the patron Saint of Karaoke.
1. "I Won't Share You" - The Smiths -- My friend Jessie sent me the Morning Benders cover of this song and I wanted to look up the original. Both are really good.
2. "Let's Stay Together" - Al Green -- I don't think I could love anything as much as Al Green's music. This including all future significant others. Good lord this is the stuff.
3. "The Deep End (Holy Ghost Remix)" - Curses!" -- I really like the bass guitar in this. Plus I had to add a little pizazz to the playlist.
4. "Unknown Legend" - Neil Young -- I cried when I heard this song the other day... and I wasn't even on my period. Let that be a testament to the beauty of this song.
5. "A Man Without Love" - Engelbert Humperdinck -- I love how it slowly builds and then leaves you begging for more once the climax has been reached. Oh wait, are we talking about music? Besides having the best name ever, Engelbert can carry a tune. This song is sad but in a good way. It slowly builds and then POW! "Every day I wake up and then I start to break up..." This song is so so good.
6. "No, No, No" - Dawn Penn -- Thought I would throw some raggae into the mix. This song is like, damn sexy.
7. "Scenic World" - Beirut -- Really cool song by Beirut. I feel like I heard it somewhere like a Visa commercial or a car commercial. The horns are my favorite part. I could see this being in the soundtrack to a movie towards the end.
8. "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" - The Shirelles -- I remember I had this on a compilation CD when I was 8. I was riding in the car with my parents somewhere. I had on my headphones and was singing aloud to this song. My parents looked at each other, smiled, and reached for the other's hand. Awwww.
9. "Change of Heart" - El Perro Del Mar -- This is a really sexual song also. I like the vocals as well as the bass and drums. The first 30 seconds of this song was my ringtone. Why? It's fucking awesome, that's why. Check out the music video to this song, it's really cool and the two men in it are incredibly strong.
10. "Regret" - New Order -- "You used to be a stranger now you are mine."
11. "The Dark End of Street" - James Carr -- Best song ever about cheating. There is so much emotion in this song it's unreal. I like the following lyrics a lot:
"I know time is gonna take its toll. We have to pay for the love we stole. It's a sin and we know it's wrong. Oh, but our love keeps coming on strong."
12. "I Don't Love You Anymore" - Teddy Pendergrass -- The antithesis of a love song. It doesn't hurt that you can jam out with your clam out on this one.
13. "Spanish Harlem" - Ben E. King and the Drifters -- Really really sweet song. The rhythm is really nice and Ben E. King's voice is really rich.
14. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" - Stevie Wonder -- Dear Stevie: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one-thousand. Two one-thousand. Three one-thousand. Four one-thousand. Five one-thousand. I sang this song for karaoke at a Sandals resort in St. Lucia in front of 150 strangers while there for my sister's wedding. In addition to that, I sang "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen and "Milkshake" by Ciara. To dedicate the song, I slurred, "Let's hear it for all the singles!!!" Sandals are resorts specifically catering to couples. A lot of Piton beer was involved in the making of that legend.
15. "Islands in the Stream" - The Constantines and Feist -- The original with Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers is great, but I love the slower pace of this version and I love Leslie Feist's voice. I always want to sing a duet to this for karaoke, but nobody ever "knows the lyrics." Which, personally, I think is a bullshit excuse because that is why they have a screen with the words on it right in front of you.
In case you haven't noticed, Karaoke is something I do. It's how I show my love for the lord, actually. Some people whip themselves with cat-o-nines or wear barbed-wire garter belts. But those are things that are done in private. I prefer to humiliate myself for Jesus in front of large groups of people, after I have had a multitude of beers (what I lovingly refer to as the "Barley of Christ"). It's my form of penance -- a sort of lyrical self-flagellation (not to be confused with flatulation), if you will. Once my life is over, they will make me a Saint: Saint Rebeka, the patron Saint of Karaoke.
January 14, 2010
This is a good one...
A customer came up to me the other day at work. An elderly gentleman who looked very concerned. He marches right up to me, in to my personal space, and asks "Do you have any authority?" Without letting me answer, he says "The bathroom tissue you guys have in your bathroom is the cheapest, most awful stuff I've ever used." "I had to use double the amount I normally would to prevent from breaking through," he said, really concerned. It took every fiber of my being to not laugh in his face as I said "Well, you can fill out one of the comment cards we have here or you can speak to the manager right over there." Ahahahahaha... I hate people.
TOP TEN MOVIES I MUST WATCH ON TV
This is my list of top ten movies that I must compulsively watch if I so happen to flip across them on TV.
1. American Psycho. Starring Christian Bale, Justin Theroux, and Chloë Sevigny. Also with Jared Leto (my fave), Josh Lucas, Matt Ross, Willem Defoe, Samantha Mathis, Reese Witherspoon, and Guinevere Turner. There are so many good things about this movie. Most of all, the words that come out of Patrick Bateman's mouth. I will write an entire post about this movie one day. Favorite quote "I don't want you to get drunk, but that's a very fine chardonay you're not drinking." I do like this better than the book, but I think they should have included the toilet-rat and subsequent rat mauling in the movie. It would have been something I don't think has been done in a horror movie.
2. Sea of Love. Starring Al Pacino, Ellen Barkin, John Goodman, and Ellen Barkin's nipples (WOWZA). I don't know why I like this. Probably just because it's one of those movies I saw when I was little and it has been played on TV quite a lot. Al Pacino always looks drunk in all of his movie roles. Ellen Barkin's wardrobe is bangin' and most of her outfits have held up pretty well as far as being in-style. Especially the beige jacket and pencil skirt she wears in one of the shoe store scenes.
"You have cop's eyes."
3. The Net. Starring Sandra Bullock and Dennis Miller. I love it just because the computer graphics are so old. It really takes me back. I also secretly really like the sound that the computer keys make in the movie.
Angela Bennett's Facebook Status update: "I should have bought Lifelock... FML"
4. Devil Wears Prada. Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci. "Soo-prees!" is a really good quote from this. Basically I just love the 'tude in this movie.
5. Dolores Claiborne. Starring Kathy Bates, Jennifer Jason Lee, David Strathairn, Christopher Plummer, and John C. Reilly. This is just a good tale of revenge. The pedophilic scene between Selena and her father is very powerful and always leaves me feeling disturbed. The scenes between Vera and Dolores actually become really touching towards the end.
6. Hackers. Starring Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Matthew Lillard, Jesse Bradford, Lorraine Bracco, and Fisher Stevens (with Marc Anthony in a small part, hollerrrr). Like The Net, I really like this movie because of the outdated computers. I like the 90's club outfits also. Pretty darn sweet.
"Lemon partyyyy."
7. Married to the Mob. Really funny 80's comedy starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Matthew Modine. Also with Dean Stockwell, Mercedes Ruehl, Oliver Platt, Alec Baldwin, and Joan Cusack. With a special appearance by Chris Isaak as the homicidal clown. This is just a really light, funny comedy. The music in the opening scene is "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order... I think that is what initially hooked me into watching this movie. Michelle Pfeiffer is excellent as a recently-widowed mob wife who wants to cut her ties from her husband's "business" associates. Mercedes Ruehl is hilarious as the pushy ill-tempered wife of the mob boss.
8. Move Over, Darling. Starring Doris Day, James Garner, Thelma Ritter, and Chuck Connors. This is a great comedy. The best scenes are the carwash and Swedish massage scenes. Probably one of my top favorite situational comedies.
This actually inspired the hit TV series "Big Love" on HBO... not really. But that would be cool.
9. River of No Return. Starring Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe. Generally I don't like western's but this one is atypical. I love Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe isn't bad either. The scenery is beautiful.
10. The Christmas List. A Christmas movie starring Mimi Rogers and Stella Stevens (with Marla Maples in a small, bitchy part). This is a made-for-TV movie and is always among the 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family. I always make it a point to catch this movie. The special effects are pretty chintzy and the acting sub-par, but it's a Christmas movie, and the story is cute and somewhat original. Mimi Rogers does a really good job and Stella Stevens is pretty funny as the Scrooge-esque mother who turns over a Cratchit-like leaf by the conclusion of the movie.
On a small side note, I've noticed that an overwhelming majority of blogs are either related to cooking (specifically cake decorating) or family blogs (family blogs as in "guess who's turning two!!!"). Shit's crazy.
1. American Psycho. Starring Christian Bale, Justin Theroux, and Chloë Sevigny. Also with Jared Leto (my fave), Josh Lucas, Matt Ross, Willem Defoe, Samantha Mathis, Reese Witherspoon, and Guinevere Turner. There are so many good things about this movie. Most of all, the words that come out of Patrick Bateman's mouth. I will write an entire post about this movie one day. Favorite quote "I don't want you to get drunk, but that's a very fine chardonay you're not drinking." I do like this better than the book, but I think they should have included the toilet-rat and subsequent rat mauling in the movie. It would have been something I don't think has been done in a horror movie.
2. Sea of Love. Starring Al Pacino, Ellen Barkin, John Goodman, and Ellen Barkin's nipples (WOWZA). I don't know why I like this. Probably just because it's one of those movies I saw when I was little and it has been played on TV quite a lot. Al Pacino always looks drunk in all of his movie roles. Ellen Barkin's wardrobe is bangin' and most of her outfits have held up pretty well as far as being in-style. Especially the beige jacket and pencil skirt she wears in one of the shoe store scenes.
"You have cop's eyes."
3. The Net. Starring Sandra Bullock and Dennis Miller. I love it just because the computer graphics are so old. It really takes me back. I also secretly really like the sound that the computer keys make in the movie.
Angela Bennett's Facebook Status update: "I should have bought Lifelock... FML"
4. Devil Wears Prada. Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci. "Soo-prees!" is a really good quote from this. Basically I just love the 'tude in this movie.
5. Dolores Claiborne. Starring Kathy Bates, Jennifer Jason Lee, David Strathairn, Christopher Plummer, and John C. Reilly. This is just a good tale of revenge. The pedophilic scene between Selena and her father is very powerful and always leaves me feeling disturbed. The scenes between Vera and Dolores actually become really touching towards the end.
6. Hackers. Starring Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Matthew Lillard, Jesse Bradford, Lorraine Bracco, and Fisher Stevens (with Marc Anthony in a small part, hollerrrr). Like The Net, I really like this movie because of the outdated computers. I like the 90's club outfits also. Pretty darn sweet.
"Lemon partyyyy."
7. Married to the Mob. Really funny 80's comedy starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Matthew Modine. Also with Dean Stockwell, Mercedes Ruehl, Oliver Platt, Alec Baldwin, and Joan Cusack. With a special appearance by Chris Isaak as the homicidal clown. This is just a really light, funny comedy. The music in the opening scene is "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order... I think that is what initially hooked me into watching this movie. Michelle Pfeiffer is excellent as a recently-widowed mob wife who wants to cut her ties from her husband's "business" associates. Mercedes Ruehl is hilarious as the pushy ill-tempered wife of the mob boss.
8. Move Over, Darling. Starring Doris Day, James Garner, Thelma Ritter, and Chuck Connors. This is a great comedy. The best scenes are the carwash and Swedish massage scenes. Probably one of my top favorite situational comedies.
This actually inspired the hit TV series "Big Love" on HBO... not really. But that would be cool.
9. River of No Return. Starring Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe. Generally I don't like western's but this one is atypical. I love Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe isn't bad either. The scenery is beautiful.
10. The Christmas List. A Christmas movie starring Mimi Rogers and Stella Stevens (with Marla Maples in a small, bitchy part). This is a made-for-TV movie and is always among the 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family. I always make it a point to catch this movie. The special effects are pretty chintzy and the acting sub-par, but it's a Christmas movie, and the story is cute and somewhat original. Mimi Rogers does a really good job and Stella Stevens is pretty funny as the Scrooge-esque mother who turns over a Cratchit-like leaf by the conclusion of the movie.
On a small side note, I've noticed that an overwhelming majority of blogs are either related to cooking (specifically cake decorating) or family blogs (family blogs as in "guess who's turning two!!!"). Shit's crazy.
January 13, 2010
le canard
Okay, so I was searching for a music video on youtube and I came across this clip that someone made about their pet duck. I can only describe it as being tender and poetic. Not trying to mean, but wouldn't it be funnier if the slide show ended with a picture of foie gras? I think so.
January 5, 2010
"Trade you my Gary Coleman for your Erik Estrada."
I'm gonna tell you a little story. I was at Target the other day and bought this packet of trading cards. These trading cards were unlike most trading cards, in that the subject was not sport, but celebrity. The package came with 6 packs of cards and a special autograph bonus. I humored myself and bought it. Soon after opening, I heavily regretted spending $10 on it. Upon further inspection of my purchase, I realized it was hilarious and well worth it. I acquired collectible trading cards that I'm suuuuuuure will be a valuable investment. In the luck of the draw, I received the trading cards of many many many famous and successful celebrities, such as: Kathie Lee Gifford, Brandon Molale, Bonnie Piesse, John Cusack, Gary Coleman [which is worth a pretty penny (really though, just one shiny penny)], Barry Watson, Molly Sims, Raven-Symone, and more. There were three items that stood out in this collection. The third being an official Ian Buchanan autograph card (who has been on like 12 soap operas). The second was an official Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake autograph card (who was some wrestler). As far as I am concerned, the crown-jewel of my $10 purchase was a Jared Leto trading card. The "stats" on the back of the card made the corners of my mouth go up and my nose crinkle.
Jared Lucien Leto
Birthday: December 25
Hometown: Arcadia, AK
Star Sign: Capricorn
Cause: abeautifullie.org
Secret: It wouldn't be a secret if I told you.
Quote: The world would be a better place if... "we didn't politicize faith."
Favorite movie: Atanarjuat
book: The Art of War by Sun Tzu
place: 29° 59' N, 31° 09' E
thing: cyclotron
sport: spelunking
food: acai
If Jared Leto's level of douche was ever in question, this trading card has provided concrete proof that he is in fact a tremendous Massengill. There is nothing I hate worse than some asshat making the most outlandish statements just because they think it is cool, with no real comprehension or depth.
Exhibit A: abeautifullie.org. I googled this and it's some crap about global warming and icebergs or some crap. Ok, I am all about walking instead of driving, conserving resources and all that. But do we really need this snatchblast trying to raise funding to tell us that global warming is happening? We get it, we all have CNN and FOX. Jared, please concentrate your efforts into making excellent music and movies with Lindsay Lohan. Furthermore, isn't jetsetting all over the world in your private plane bad for the environment?? Or what about all the gas used to transport people to horrible 30 Seconds to Mars concerts? Is that very eco-friendly? Hmmmm?
Maybe the best way to start reducing your carbon footprint is to break up your crap-band and sit your ass at home.
Exhibit B: "It wouldn't be a secret if I told you..." Ohhh Jared, everyone already knows you're gay. You did go out with Lohan. This is a little known fact, but if you are around Lohan too long, your number on the Kinsey scale sharply jumps to a 4, 5, or 6. Samantha Ronson was actually straight before she started hangin' with Lindsay. True story.
Exhibit C: The world would be a better place if... "we didn't politicize faith." After reading that sentence I need to do two things: 1. agree with Bill O'Reilly on something and 2. vomit (no preference for order).
Exhibit D: Atanarjuat. No comment. Do I even need to say a damned thing?
Exhibit E: The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Oh yes, I can just see Jared Leto devouring ancient books about tactical warfare all the live-long day. In his down time between carbon-patrol and spelunking of course. Ass.
Exhibit F: 29° 59' N, 31° 09' E. I'm just going to assume this is somewhere that is Taliban-friendly. Since everything this man has said is highly suspect. McCarthyism never sounded so good as it does now.
Exhibit G: Cyclotron. I'm not even going to bother googling this. Instead I'm just going to assume it's some really expensive dildo contraption that simultaneously scrapes your anus and pinches your t'aint until it bleeds like crazy.
Exhibit H: spelunking. I'm sure you do like to explore caves, Jared. Tight, warm, brown caves to be exact. You cavernous cave grappler, you. The next time you indulge in some spelunking, I hope the experience resembles The Descent.
Exhibit I: acai. Couldn't you have just said grapes? Or pizza? Just to give a somewhat normal answer. Just once.
Jared Lucien Leto
Birthday: December 25
Hometown: Arcadia, AK
Star Sign: Capricorn
Cause: abeautifullie.org
Secret: It wouldn't be a secret if I told you.
Quote: The world would be a better place if... "we didn't politicize faith."
Favorite movie: Atanarjuat
book: The Art of War by Sun Tzu
place: 29° 59' N, 31° 09' E
thing: cyclotron
sport: spelunking
food: acai
If Jared Leto's level of douche was ever in question, this trading card has provided concrete proof that he is in fact a tremendous Massengill. There is nothing I hate worse than some asshat making the most outlandish statements just because they think it is cool, with no real comprehension or depth.
Exhibit A: abeautifullie.org. I googled this and it's some crap about global warming and icebergs or some crap. Ok, I am all about walking instead of driving, conserving resources and all that. But do we really need this snatchblast trying to raise funding to tell us that global warming is happening? We get it, we all have CNN and FOX. Jared, please concentrate your efforts into making excellent music and movies with Lindsay Lohan. Furthermore, isn't jetsetting all over the world in your private plane bad for the environment?? Or what about all the gas used to transport people to horrible 30 Seconds to Mars concerts? Is that very eco-friendly? Hmmmm?
Maybe the best way to start reducing your carbon footprint is to break up your crap-band and sit your ass at home.
Exhibit B: "It wouldn't be a secret if I told you..." Ohhh Jared, everyone already knows you're gay. You did go out with Lohan. This is a little known fact, but if you are around Lohan too long, your number on the Kinsey scale sharply jumps to a 4, 5, or 6. Samantha Ronson was actually straight before she started hangin' with Lindsay. True story.
Exhibit C: The world would be a better place if... "we didn't politicize faith." After reading that sentence I need to do two things: 1. agree with Bill O'Reilly on something and 2. vomit (no preference for order).
Exhibit D: Atanarjuat. No comment. Do I even need to say a damned thing?
Exhibit E: The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Oh yes, I can just see Jared Leto devouring ancient books about tactical warfare all the live-long day. In his down time between carbon-patrol and spelunking of course. Ass.
Exhibit F: 29° 59' N, 31° 09' E. I'm just going to assume this is somewhere that is Taliban-friendly. Since everything this man has said is highly suspect. McCarthyism never sounded so good as it does now.
Exhibit G: Cyclotron. I'm not even going to bother googling this. Instead I'm just going to assume it's some really expensive dildo contraption that simultaneously scrapes your anus and pinches your t'aint until it bleeds like crazy.
Exhibit H: spelunking. I'm sure you do like to explore caves, Jared. Tight, warm, brown caves to be exact. You cavernous cave grappler, you. The next time you indulge in some spelunking, I hope the experience resembles The Descent.
Exhibit I: acai. Couldn't you have just said grapes? Or pizza? Just to give a somewhat normal answer. Just once.
My Favorites of 2009
As we enter a new decade, I've been thinking about the direction that my life is going and what areas of personal growth I need to focus on. I really need to stop being so self-centered. I need to start putting others in front of myself. I need to be more honest to others. I've also been thinking about how I look. However tired a resolution it may be, I have promised myself to eat healthier and exercise more. I'm going to start using my recyclable bags when I go grocery shopping, conserve more water, and try to save more money/spend less. Who knows how many of these I will keep up with... but I will try to be unyielding in these endeavors for self-improvement.
Listed below are some of my favorite songs from 2009. I ask that you please refrain from ripping my labia majora off if some of the songs are from a previous year. These are just the songs that I heard for the first time in 2009, listed in no particular order.
1. "Sabali" - Amadou and Miriam -- Every time I hear this song I get a funny feeling in my stomach. A good feeling. One of the prettiest songs I've ever heard.
2. "Caterpillar Playground" - Nurses -- I found out about this band when I was in Chicago over the summer. I like all the layers that they use in their songs. The CD reminds me of a cross between Animal Collective and CocoRosie.
3. "Shoes of Glass (KidStreet Remix)" - Valerie Gore -- Catchy.
4. "Pull My Heart Away" - Jack Penate -- My favorite album from 2009. Every song is so good. Also I would like to add that the Everything Is New CD had the best artwork booklet I've ever had come with a CD. The paper was really nice... heavy and glossy. The artwork was really pretty also. I love every song and sing out loud when listening to it in the car.
5. "Shelter (Them Jeans Drum Edit)" - The XX -- One of my new favorite bands. This song is so sexy and understated. It is just a really subtle and catchy song. I love the breathy vocals. I read somewhere that they went from a 4 piece band to a 3 piece. Hopefully they will stay together because they are really good.
6. "You Got the Love (XX Remix) - Florence + the Machine -- Really nice remix. Love it. Sexy. "You got the love, you got the love, youuuu got the love." "When food is gone you are my daily meal."
7. "She Came Along (Feat. Kid Cudi)" - Sharam -- This song is so good. I love Patsy Cline and this is a good incorporation of her song into this. Good song to dance to. Or maybe not. I feel like I dance to songs that most people wouldn't normally dance to.
8. "Blue Skies (Twelves Remix)" - Noah and the Whale -- The Twelves are another band that I first heard of this year. All of their remixes are top notch. Their original songs are also nothing to spit at.
9. "Buttons (CSS Remix)" - Sia -- So so so catchy. "I am no good for you. I'm seeing ghosts in everything I do."
10. "Good ol' Fashion Rump Shaker (Beastie Boys vs. Matt & Kim)" - The Hood Internet -- A lot of people say this song is about me.
Statements from the song that are generally true:
A. I rock a house party at the drop of a hat
B. People they be Jonesin' just to hear me rock the mic
C. Routines I bust, rhymes I write
D. I'm on time homie that's how it goes (I pride myself on showing up in a timely manner, ok?)
Statements from the song that are generally true:
A. I rock a house party at the drop of a hat
B. People they be Jonesin' just to hear me rock the mic
C. Routines I bust, rhymes I write
D. I'm on time homie that's how it goes (I pride myself on showing up in a timely manner, ok?)
E. I'm the mackinest
Statements that are not congruent with my findings:
A. I got a boat to eat shrimp in
B. Nothing wrong with my leg just B-boy limpin'
C. Got arrested at the Mardi Gras for jumping on a float
D. I beat a biter down with an aluminum bat (I generally am a pacifist... I PASS-A- FIST, get it?)
Statements that are not congruent with my findings:
A. I got a boat to eat shrimp in
B. Nothing wrong with my leg just B-boy limpin'
C. Got arrested at the Mardi Gras for jumping on a float
D. I beat a biter down with an aluminum bat (I generally am a pacifist... I PASS-A- FIST, get it?)
11. "Rockin' That Shit" - The Dream -- I unapologetically, unequivocally, unashamedly, absolutely FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG. You will see me blasting the speakers of my car out to this tune, thank you very much. Most likely I will sing along, whilst leaning toward the center of the car, with my seat back, and my left hand at noon on the wheel. I don't want to hear your opinion on that, hater. I am bad, because for whatever reason, after the line "There's nothing I can say," I always add in "There's nothing I can do." I can't break myself of the habit. I think they should add that line it because it fits. For reals.
12. "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" - Soulja Boy -- I don't really know what a Souljaboy is. The name brings to my mind the image of an 8 year old with an AR-15 in a conflicted 3rd world country. But maybe that's what they were going for, who knows. Anyway, this is a really cute song, despite the fact that the guy probably just misses her because he wants to bang the shit out of her lady parts with his disco stick (Gaga, lol). My favorite part is "Six, Seven, Eight, Triple Nine, Eight, Two, One, Twoooooo."
13. "Too Much Time" - John Vanderslice -- I like slow songs. This one is really pretty. It's about love and longing or some bullshit, hahaha. I'm such a jaded asshole it's not even funny. Ehhh. Yeah. It’s funny.
14. "Stay This Way" - Peter Bjorn & John -- This song is different than anything I've heard in a while. I like it. Or maybe I just like any song with snapping fingers or handclaps. That's a weakness I have.
15. "1901" - Phoenix -- Phoenix is and has been my favorite band since 2003, when I first heard "Too Young" while watching Lost in Translation. I have since loved each album they've made, and finally got to see them on December 8th, 2009 in Pontiac. Shortly after turning 22, I never felt so old as I did when I went to this concert. I knew every song off their older albums while the majority of the people around me only knew songs from Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. A true fan would know when Phoenix covered "Playground Love" by AIR but most of the attendees did not. This chick next to me said, "this song sounds familiar," to the guy standing next to her. HA! Bitch plz. This is the only band that I am fanatical about. I will honestly admit that I am pretty ignorant when it comes to most bands, but not Phoenix. Holllerrrr.
16. "Lasso" - Phoenix -- I would also like to add that it took a while for this album to grow on me. At first I was hesitant about the new sound, but then I realized that no one Phoenix album sounds like the last. That is probably why I like Phoenix so much, because they have the ability to do something different with each album and make me fall in love all over again.
17. "Heads Will Roll" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs -- Really really catchy song. This also happens to be one of two of my favorite music videos this year. The other one is below.
18. "She-Wolf" - Shakira -- Song is catchy and fun. Video is HOTTT (with 3 T's - this has only happened once before). The video also looks like it partly takes place in a fallopian tube.
19. "Promiscuous With You (Nelly Furtado vs. M.J.)" - Party Ben -- This DJ has some really really cool mashups. I first heard him this year. Download "Single Ladies (In Mayberry)" if you want to hear something spectacularly funny.
20. "Shame (At Night) [Kid Cudi vs. Evelyn Chamagne King]" -- Party Ben took a good song and turned it into an even better song that's funky and a little disco.
21. "Laughing with a Mouthful of Blood" - St. Vincent -- Unique. I really like the vocals.
22. "Knocked Up (Rodeo Mashup)" - Kings of Leon vs. Lykke Li -- I just like all the layers in this song.
23. "Secret (Demo)" - Friend -- "Are you done mixing yet?" Another good song to dance to. Funk x 2.
24. "My Maudlin Career" - Camera Obscura -- I really like the guitars and the all-encompassing vocals.
25. "Sweet Disposition" - The Temper Trap -- Almost as sweet as the singer's voice in the intro.
26. "Kenya Dig It?" - The Ruby Suns -- Another unique song.
Honorable mentions (songs I could not locate on playlist.com):
"Way Down" - N.A.S.A. Feat. RZA, Barbie Hatch & John Frusciante
"Use Somebody (RAC Remix)" - Kings of Leon
"Can't Shake Your Love" - The Knocks
"Good to Go" - Deep Red
December 15, 2009
First post
What is a "Dutch Auction?" I was working at Menard's on Sunday when I heard the announcer lady come on the loudspeaker and mutter something about a "Dutch Oven." Mind you it was 8:30 in the morning but I swear to god she said "Dutch Oven," and I will admit it put me in a really good mood. That is until I picked up the sales ad and saw that it was in fact a "Dutch Auction" and not a "Dutch Oven" that Menard's was having. A "Dutch Oven" would be way more fun that a "Dutch Auction" any day... don't you think? Oh and then they had "chore coats" on sale too. What the hell is a "chore coat?" I am presuming it's something you put on when dusting, vaccuming, and/or washing windows? Can anyone confirm this definition?
It's such an odd place to work. They have all these weird terms that I've never heard of before. Sometimes I feel like I work in Canada.
It's such an odd place to work. They have all these weird terms that I've never heard of before. Sometimes I feel like I work in Canada.
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